* "How am I not myself?"
"We are all freeloaders under God" - Nanny in "Vanya on 42nd st." http://imdb.com/title/tt0111590/
There is so much unrest. Anything I write will only skim the service. People are suffering. I can feel it in the air. It feels odd to know I'm safe when people in other parts of the country are fighting for their lives. I feel lucky, blessed, but unworthy, and somewhat guilty. It's like survivor's guilt, even though I'm not in the path of the latest hurricane.
Stranger still is that I feel like I'm fighting for my life on the inside, and it seems to me to be a luxury others don't have. Well, it's my health too, my sickness that may be causing the other problems, because would I be as angst-ridden if I wasn't in pain, could function and live the way I want to? It would, I think, decrease my existential churning. I feel like an overactive mind trapped in a broken down body. Thus, I feel continual frustration, and the tension of those oppposites. I seem to be trapped in an endless cycle of chaos & entropy, and am not sure how to halt it's daily advance.
There is more, always more, but I am tired.
"We go from pure being, to suffering and human drama..." "It is inevitable to be drawn back into human drama".
Caterine Vauban quotes from "I Heart Huckabees" http://imdb.com/title/tt0356721/
*subject heading is also from the huckabees film.
There is so much unrest. Anything I write will only skim the service. People are suffering. I can feel it in the air. It feels odd to know I'm safe when people in other parts of the country are fighting for their lives. I feel lucky, blessed, but unworthy, and somewhat guilty. It's like survivor's guilt, even though I'm not in the path of the latest hurricane.
Stranger still is that I feel like I'm fighting for my life on the inside, and it seems to me to be a luxury others don't have. Well, it's my health too, my sickness that may be causing the other problems, because would I be as angst-ridden if I wasn't in pain, could function and live the way I want to? It would, I think, decrease my existential churning. I feel like an overactive mind trapped in a broken down body. Thus, I feel continual frustration, and the tension of those oppposites. I seem to be trapped in an endless cycle of chaos & entropy, and am not sure how to halt it's daily advance.
There is more, always more, but I am tired.
"We go from pure being, to suffering and human drama..." "It is inevitable to be drawn back into human drama".
Caterine Vauban quotes from "I Heart Huckabees" http://imdb.com/title/tt0356721/
*subject heading is also from the huckabees film.
posted by scribe at 9/23/2005
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