Monday, January 23, 2006

Oracles

Dead singer sings about 'them bones' and he’s long gone. I try to learn from saints sinners troubadours madmen and liars. Throw the cards down and toss back a drink and it will be used up, enough enough it spills over the top, and Lilac in seasons bloom like the dark of night and young Orchids that dream in darkness waiting to bloom...and death becomes you, you become death, all do, what are we doing here and for how long will we will be doing it?

Geniuses have to teach themselves when there is no one left to learn from, when the old forms don’t work, when nothing in the usual shape fits anymore, nothing works for me because I’m not meant to work they way they do, I jump out of my skin trying to remember my dreams, urgency pants, deep beneath my skin, its own breath in my ears. I can hear the blood pumping, rising in my ears, it says listen listen listen: I AM HERE.

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Pop Pop Pop Muzik...makes sense of it all, listen to signs between the lines...
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My clove candle burns through the night and the world is piped in through satellite, it’s all here, without end, every era, again and again. New fads, and old friends, I hear you again. I do the dishes and dance and dance in slippers in my living room, looking ridiculous without a care, I’m almost all myself again, almost forget that you’re not there. Let me return to myself, my bachelor happiness. I am blessed. A mess. I like it when nothing makes sense. But I sense around the edges all the wisdom waiting to be grabbed, if I can think fast enough, write fast enough, type fast enough I might be able to capture some of it before it flits and I am left at my wits end again. My seams bursting at their ends. Charmingly careless. I wish I cared less about you. You were like a counterfeit five hundred dollar bill not worth the paper you were printed on, but while I held you in my hands I felt like I was the richest girl in the world. I went to the corner store to cash you in for a piece of bubble gum, but I had to count my own pennies instead. Everything I have is mine.

I’m not a superhero, not yet anyway, but I’ll be damned if I let it stop me. I’ll come to my own window and let down my hair and rescue me. I’m my knight in shining armor and I’m free.