Baptismal Self

Picture postcard blue sky, white clouds -- seen while floating in an inner tube, my head resting on it as a pillow, lying on my back, drifting...from shallow to deep end and back, while my people laughed and talked on the patio. The pool was empty, all mine. I thought back to two Augusts ago when I was baptized in this same pool, and the freedom I felt as I floated afterward, newly reborn. Today I've let down roots into that freedom and I live there now. It's not easy, it's not free of trial, it's still a life on this fallen planet, but I am not dragging all the ghost chains behind me now.

The day of my Baptism, I went to church all dressed in black and wore a tie with a picture of a skull on it. I was mock flinty and sounded like Clint Eastwood, when I professed my new motto: "It's a good day to die". Despite my comic delivery, I meant it. I was attending my own funeral, and I'd never been so happy. I was about to drown my old self by intention. The unwelcome uninvited spirit guests that dogged me went down into the water too and didn't come back up with me. When I came out of the water, I put on a white dress; the outward symbol of an inner transformation. I was a new creation, and I was determined to start a chapter of new depth, new freedom, new power.

Today I have my memories, my pain, my losses, my longings, but I walk in the knowledge of who I am, and more importantly, whose I am. This is more than enough. No matter what else happens.